If You Know What Is Good For You
by ThePhantomsChristineDaae
Summary: This is a five part story based around Relena, Duo, and Heero with many apperances of other GW characters and even a guest apperance of one of the authors and a man from a completely different movie. A comic love triangle between the three and what comes


Disclaimer: Neither Dano or I own any of these characters. Though I  
know she would very much like to be the owner of Heero, and I wouldn't  
mind having ownership of Trowa. ^_^ Or maybe Wu-fei. o.O I can't  
decide.. . Anyways, don't be mad if some or most of the people act  
totally out of character; this was a dream after all. So with out much  
further ado, here is the first, and title part, of If You Know What's  
Good For You. *Bum babum bum bum bum buuuuuum!*  
  
*******************************************  
  
If You Know What's Good For You  
  
By Danielle Yuy  
And  
Mina Barton  
  
*******************************************  
  
Heero and Relena are in a space station talking about the war when they stumble upon the topic of Dr. J.  
  
"Dr. J was like a father to me I guess, except I don't know what a father is. Now that he has died I'll have to get my own missions. Also now I realize that I have feelings for you, which believe me, I promised myself that I would never have time for feelings like that, now that I have them, I'm glad I have only trusted two people in my entire life, Dr. J and myself, but now."  
  
I get what he's trying to say, thought Relena. He's trying to say that I'm the only thing he has remotely close to a family member or a friend even. Also that he trusts me, which is hard to get from him. I fell really badly. He's so vulnerable right now, If only he knew.  
  
Just then the computer phone thingy starts to beep. Heero turned and answered it. Quatre was on the line.  
  
"Heero you have to help me. Someone has taken over an Oz military base. They took Lady Une, Noin, Trowa, Dorothy, and Wufei hostage."  
  
"Why do you need my help? Can't you handle it with one Gundam?"  
  
"Normally I could, but this is no ordinary attack. That attack was made by Duo. I can't face him one on one."  
  
There's a brief pause.  
  
"I'm on my way!" He turns off the screen. "Mission accepted."  
  
This is it! Relena thought to herself.  
  
Heero starts to leave.  
  
"Take me with you! I could help. I'm sure of it!"  
  
Heero starts to make a disapproving face.  
  
"That wasn't a request Heero." Relena says sternly because she has to go.  
  
Unwillingly, Heero nods his head in agreement.  
  
They leave in his Gundam.  
  
"You're going to need this." Heero says handing her a gun.  
  
"Thank you, Heero." Relena replies kissing Heero on the cheek.  
  
Heero starts to blush and his eyes go wide.  
  
They land close to the base where they can see Quatre waiting. They get out and meet him.  
  
"Hello, Quatre." Relena says.  
  
"Hi, Relena." Quatre says, "Are you sure it was wise to bring her?"  
  
"She can take care of herself."  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Heero."  
  
"Anyway, Duo is in the landing bay in the moble suit hanger, with his hostages." Announces Quatre.  
  
"We should go in and confront him head on," Heero says.  
  
"Sounds great to me."  
  
The walk until they get to the place where there are two staircases in the room and each lead to the room Duo's in.  
  
"I have a plan. Heero, get going up those stairs for my back up, while I go up these stairs and untie the others."  
  
"Roger."  
  
Heero heads for the stairs on one side and Quatre goes up the other. Quatre gets up the stairs and notices Duo is watching some show on TV, facing the other wall, busting up laughing. He finds this the perfect time to untie the others. So he starts to creep over to them when he trips an invisible inferred rope, causing an alarm to go off. Before he can get his gun out Duo jumps up with his pointed at Quatre.  
  
"Hold it right there paly, come on now, you didn't really think it would be that easy, did ya?"  
  
Just then there was a loud noise of someone pulling a trigger. Duo glances behind his shoulder and sees Heero with a gun pointed straight at him.  
  
"Whoa, you didn't think I was really going to shoot him did ya buddy," Duo says dropping his gun.  
  
"Untie them Quatre."  
  
"Not so fast." Relena says pressing the gun Heero gave her into Heero's back. "Huh? Relena? What's going on?"  
  
"Drop the gun, Heero. Blondie, put your hands where I can see them and then sit your but down in that chair. I'm sure you'll find it to be very comfortable; it's the latest from Drug Co. The new Self-tying chair. When you sit in it it instantly ties you up."  
  
Quatre glares at Relena, putting his hands up and sitting in the chair. Heero drops his gun.  
  
"You go sit in the other one."  
  
As Heero heads to the other chair, Duo runs over to Relena.  
  
"Miss me?"  
  
"Not really," Relena says sarcastically.  
  
Then Duo grabs her butt and they start to french wildly.  
  
Relena then stops Duo and gives him a playful shove.  
  
"Remember baby, we have guests."  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
They look at their "guests."  
  
"Heero, don't look so sad, you'll find someone else. When I shoot Trowa someone needs to comfort Quatre."  
  
"Nooo.! You can't do that!" Quatre yells.  
  
"Duo, put a gag on him or something."  
  
"Yes, honey."  
  
"Now, where were we?"  
  
"Heero, I'm sorry, don't you have anything to say?"  
  
Heero turns his head away from her.  
  
"Ugh, be like that. You know it wasn't my idea for you to fall in love with me. I just needed to find you and get you to destroy Oz and everyone else who opposed me. It's nothing personal; I just really wanted to be queen of the world. I needed you to kill my brother because he was going to blow up my beautiful planet. Thanks to you he didn't and all those who opposed me are dead or under my custody." She starts to laugh maniacally.  
  
"Your pathetic, you know that." She grabs his face a passionately kisses him.  
  
Heero then turns his face and looks at the floor.  
  
"Hey," Duo cries out heading towards them. "What was that about?"  
  
"Shut up Duo, you're so lame."  
  
"I helped you out and this is the thanks I get, well fine, have it your way 'your highness' go around kissing the enemy and treating your allies like dirt. We have known each other since we were ten! Never once have you kissed me like you kissed him!"  
  
"We does everything have to be about 'us'? Duo honey you know I really care about you, now get your bishonen ass over there and gag blondie." She says slapping him on the ass.  
  
Duo walks over to Quatre rolling his eyes.  
  
"I love you, you know." He says lovingly.  
  
"I know." She answers.  
  
"Now to deal with you." Relena says looking at Lady Une. "You killed my father, do you really think I'm going to let you live?"  
  
Lady Une just sits there, glaring.  
  
"Why is no one talking to me, what's the point of keeping people alive if they won't talk to me?"  
  
"You don't know what you're doing Relena. Killing people isn't the way. You're a Peacecraft."  
  
"Was I talking to you?" She asks turning and shooting.  
  
"Such a shame." She shrugs it off. "I never really liked her anyway."  
  
Duo comes up behind her and grabs her ass again.  
  
"You know a woman with a gun turns me on."  
  
"Duo cut it out."  
  
"Relena, we really haven't 'seen' each other in over a year. I can't wait any longer."  
  
"Fine." She says as he starts to unbutton her shirt. "Close your eyes." She says in the sexiest voice she can muster. Duo obeys.  
  
"Now what, sweetie?" Duo asked with excitement in his voice.  
  
"Take off your pants."  
  
Duo again obeys. "Shouldn't we go into another room?"  
  
"I thought you couldn't wait any longer. If that's not the case then."  
  
"No! No. I can do it out here I guess."  
  
"Good, now stand back."  
  
"Why?" Duo begins but is cut off as Relena shoots him between the legs. Blood starts rushing everywhere and Duo passes out from the pain. Relena starts a low, maniacal laughter.  
  
"A wise gerbil once told me when a guy loses their dick, they should die. So." With out hesitation, she shoots Duo in the head. "Shit. I got blood on my shoes."  
  
She turns back to her 'guests.' "Why doesn't anyone cooperate anymore? Poor Duo!" She says, touching her hand to his bloody cheek. "Asshole, you couldn't wait five minutes? It's all your fault!" She pauses briefly, mourning over Duo's death. "Who wants to be next?"  
  
"You're insane and you know it! You just killed the only person who could ever love the real you, and you don't even care." Declared Trowa.  
  
"I know, but I couldn't help it. And I know that killing you guys won't accomplish anything. I mean, you live for suicide and you don't have any family or anywhere to call home." She paused for a moment and added as an afterthought. "Well, except for Quatre."  
  
Relena sits down, sailor moon style, on the floor. She takes a deep breath. "Trowa, I don't know what to do. I really screwed up this time."  
  
"Now you're just being weak." Announced Dorothy. "Kill us all while you still have the chance."  
  
"Shut up! I'm not talking to you." Relena yells, shooting Dorothy in the forehead. "Finally, some peace and quiet." She sits for a while, thinking before saying. "I've made a decision. For my next killing I will either shoot Quatre, or Trowa. What's it going to be boys?" She waits be receives no reply.  
  
"Fine, I've already decided anyway." She points the gun at Trowa, far too happy of a smile on her face. "Say hi to my brother for me." Trowa grinds his teeth, closes his eyes, and lowers his head. Quatre starts squirming, trying to escape his bonds in time to save Trowa. Just as Relena is about to pull the trigger, she points the gun at Wu-fei instead and shoots. "Well, I couldn't decide." She starts to laugh once again.  
  
"Heero, you haven't said one word since we got here. I thought you loved me. I thought you trusted me. I thought you thought of me as the closest thing to a family member you'll ever have."  
  
"Leave him alone, don't you think you've hurt him enough for one day?"  
  
"Huh?" Relena turns around to see her brother standing there with a gun aimed directly at her.  
  
"How long have you been standing there?" The bewildered Relena asked.  
  
"Long enough. It's bad enough you broke his heart but you fell the need to rub it in his face too? You make me sick. And just think, poor Lucrezia. You shot her for no reason and the only thing Due was guilty of was loving you. Wu-fei didn't even say anything. What is wrong with you?"  
  
"What's wrong with me? You're supposed to be dead."  
  
"And you're supposed to be supporting total pacifism."  
  
"Things change."  
  
"Obviously. My dear little sister, when did you become so. evil?"  
  
"What kind of a question is that? If you know what's good for you, you'll leave."  
  
"If you know what's good for you, you'll untie them. Remember, I'm the one with the gun."  
  
Brother and sister stared at each other in silence, Milliardo keeping the gun pointed firmly at Relena.  
  
"Why did you kill Duo, Relena?"  
  
"Because. That's none of your business."  
  
"You know that he loved you, right?"  
  
"I love Heero!"  
  
"Enough!" Milliardo yelled, readjusting his aim and shooting Relena.  
  
She fell backwards into Heero. Barely able to breath, she managed to whisper, "I love you Heero." Then she closed her eyes and her mind went completely blank.  
  
****Relena woke up in a hospital bed with all manner of tubes and medical machines hooked up to her.  
  
"So, you finally woke up?"  
  
"Huh?" Relena said as her eyes slowly adjusted and focused to the light.  
  
"You've been in a coma for close to a month."  
  
That voice sounds familiar. Relena thought. But who is it? Their face is coming into focus.  
  
"I take it that your eyes haven't quite adjusted yet. I haven't seen the startled look yet."  
  
"Duo?!"  
  
"There it is."  
  
"But how did you. I. If.Huh?"  
  
"Relax. I'll explain it all to you in a second. You just got out of a coma so you shouldn't make any sudden movements. The first thing I tell you may come as a shock. Well, here goes nothing. From the time you woke up that morning, you remember, the day I died, you have been in a 'holosweet.'"  
  
"But."  
  
"I know the next question. If it was a holo program, how did you get hurt?" Relena nodded her head.  
  
"That was just a little added bonus I put in just for you." He said with a huge smile.  
  
"I."  
  
"Uh-uh. Before you ask, the reason I put the special feature in is because of the way you acted toward me. Think about it, you said 'I know' when I said 'I love you,' you laughed at my advances, you shot my dick off, called me names, and killed me. Does that sound like a happy couple to you? That's not even the half of it. You kissed Heero, didn't kill Heero, and said that you loved him. Am I missing anything? Oh yeah, you killed me when I had a really good erection going, and that just pissed me off." He sighs. "All this leads me to wonder, why did I not let you die like I should have? I'm pathetic, put I still love you."  
  
"Uh. Sorry?"  
  
"You make me so mad, yet I can forgive you for anything just by looking at you." He goes over to her and leans down, kissing her on the forehead. "I love you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I'll let you get to sleep." Duo says, heading to the door.  
  
"Die- I mean. Bye Duo."  
  
"See ya Relena." He shakes his head and leaves the room.  
  
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TO BE CONTINUED..... 


End file.
